June 13, 2009

dear jessica,

I like to work out and take long runs. It's important to me to stay healthy. My spouse doesn't seem to care about herself. She eats whatever she wants and doesn't find time to exercise. She thinks running after the kids is enough. She's starting to get irritated when I suggest she join me for runs or even walks. I love her and want to spend a long life with her. Any ideas about how to motivate her? Healthy in Houston

*****

Dear Healthy,

This is a very tough situation. A few thoughts come to my mind immediately.

If someone is going to be active, they are more likely to stick with it if they are doing something they love. It is possible that your spouse simply does not enjoy the activities you have suggested (ie: jogging, walking). What does your wife like to do? Play tennis? Bike ride? Swim? Find something she is interested and suggest those types of activities.

Another thought I have is that if her reason for not wanting to go out and jog, walk, or do any other activity with you is because she feels tired from chasing the kids around all day then maybe it's time to find a way to get your wife a little more free time in her day so she isn't so tired. Arrange for a sitter to come so you can take her out, see if there are additional things that you can do to help out - make a healthy dinner a few times a week, get the kids bathed and ready for bed, straighten up the house, laundry, or go grocery shopping. This will free up her time and allow her to focus that extra energy on spending time being active with you.

Be sure that when you talk to her about any activity or working out you want to do with her that you really focus on your concern for it being about longevity and health and NOT her weight or appearence. I think if you focus on your health and how you hope to have a long and full life with her you could talk about it openly with her and it is likely to be received well. You could even suggest that she find some activity she likes to do and go and do it with a girl friend.

What not to do: make this about her appearance (as mentioned before), drop subtle hints (woman pick up on those and it will just make her feel bad), be obsessed (there is a healthy awareness and there is obsessed and obsessed is just annoying).

And if all else fails, make more time for sex... because let's face it, that is another aerobic activity.

Live well, be well,

Jessica