August 29, 2010

Dear Jessica,

What should I do if I shart* myself at work?

Signed,

[Poop] out of luck

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Dear Poop,

I can just imagine that would be an aweful situation to find yourself in. It's one thing to gamble and lose. It's another to gamble and lose... AT WORK!

If you live close enough to your work, I'd use your lunch break and go home to take care of the situation.

Otherwise, if that is not an option, you will most likely have to tell your boss you aren't feeling well and you need to go home. You will most likely still have the "oh crap" look on your face when you tell your boss you need to leave and chances are they won't question you.

To prevent this from happening, try not to "gamble" while you are at work - unless of course you're thinking of sharting on purpose because you are looking for a reason to go home from work early... then touche'!!

Signed,

Jessica

*shart: sh!t poop + fart

July 20, 2010

Dear Jessica,

My husband loves to French kiss, and I'd really rather not. Well, most of the time, I'd rather not.I don't want to put a damper on things, hurt his feelings, or mess with his ego, but it has gotten to the point where it's distracting to me, and sometimes even a little repulsive.Any suggestions? Or am I just strange?

Signed, Tongue-in-Cheek

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Dear Tongue-in-cheek,

First, don't feel like there is something wrong with you or that you aren't normal. I know you didn't say you felt this way, but I just want to be sure you know that you know this is common and you are not strange. We all have different preferences in kissing styles, and sometimes, they are totally different than our spouse/significant other's kissing style.

Next, there is a good chance that he kisses the same way because it's the way he's always done it. And if you haven't said otherwise, he probably thinks nothing is wrong. The key to overcoming this repetition is to challenge it. I don't mean prepare a 3 point speech where you try to lovingly, yet honestly, tell him you don't love french kissing. I mean, take the lead. Tell him what you like by showing him!

Not only will he probably respond by repeating you, he will probably love the assertiveness. If you start changing it up by taking the lead, you will probably have to suffer through less french kissing and your "together-time" will most likely become more intimate and fun!

Sincerely,

Jessica

February 25, 2010

Dear Jessica,

I'm going to get straight to the point. I am in college and married, and while I don't mind being friends with guys ... there are always those few that just take it too far.My lab partner is one of those guys. He started out just being friendly but after a while, he started getting on my nerves, and just a little too flirty.

The first red flag was when I came in one day and he said, "You look cute today." I was flattered, but a little uncomfortable, but when I talked to my husband about it, he agreed the guy could have just been being nice and it didn't necessarily mean anything.

But it didn't stop there.

The guy started walking me to my next class, and would act annoyed if I would try to wait to walk with someone else also. He did not have the same class, but would take that route and "drop me off" on the way to his... Then one time, he gave me a quick hug in front of a bunch of other people, saying, "we're cool like that."

The list goes on ... today, it finally came a little to head when he was giving a commentary on everything I was doing and I told him he was annoying me. But then I tried to be nice ... I mean, we do have to work together. But then he said something like, "Here, hold my hand, let's make up and be friends." I said, "Sorry, I don't hold hands with other boys."He later called me to invite me to something at his house(!) but I declined ... so he said he'd "tell me all about it" Monday in class.

I don't know what to do. I've told my husband everything, and know I'm NOT flirting back, and I also bring up my husband very often, so I don't feel guilty at all. But the situation is very uncomfortable. The thing is, we have assigned seating and assigned lab partners, so short of making a scene and asking the teacher to let me change seats, my options are limited. Also, I don't know if I can say anything, because I don't want him to blow it off like I just think too much of myself and that he's not interested, and then have it be even MORE awkward. (Plus, even if I spoke to him quietly about it, he's one of those guys who may bring it up loudly so the surrounding two tables can hear his side.)HELP?!?!!?

Signed,

Frustrated with Flirty-Boy

*********

Dear Frustrated,

First, your frustration is totally legitimate! That boy is being totally inappropriate, especially after your many attempts to keep your relationship with this guy strictly school-related. I will tell you the two things I would do in this situation.

The first thing I would do is be totally blunt (maybe on a "walk to your next class"). I would say, "Look. I appreciate working with you in class but I am married and I do not wish to have a friendship with you beyond our class assignments. It might seem crazy, but it's out of respect for my husband. Secondly, I do not wish to casually hug or hold hands with any guy except my husband. Can you respect these boundaries?" This way, you are not saying that you think he is interested in you; you are simply setting respectable boundaries that a married woman should have regarding male friends.

If that didn't work, I would talk to the professor and see if I could switch partners. I know that could be a little awkward, but sometimes professors can help you out and try to be kind of discreet about it (like maybe switch a few partnerships around?).

Oh I just thought of a third option.... see if you can bring your husband to class sometime. Have him give a few looks to that kid and that could solve the problem. :) hehe

I guess what this comes down to is that you will likely have to face an awkward situation in order to nip this in the bud because clearly this guy can't take a hint. I wish I had better advice for you. I hope that some of my huge reader base (sarcasm) chimes in and offers some advice, too! Maybe there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation.

Sincerely,
Jessica

January 24, 2010

Dear Jessica,

I moved away this fall to go to college in another state. I'm loving it and making lots of cool friends. Here's the problem. . . one of my really good friends from my home town has been annoying me on Facebook lately. There have been a few things that have irked me, but the kicker is when he started "friending" some of my college friends that he's never even met and then leaving comments on their page asking how I've been and what I'm up to! (why my college friends agreed to be friends is a whole other question!) Me and him are really good friends and until this, I was actually kind of interested in him, but now I just feel like he's smothering me. I don't have anything to hide, but I feel like if I tell him that I don't want him being facebook friends with my new friends, he'll think I do. Breaking off the friendship isn't an option (our parents are really good friends and I will definitely see him whenever I go home for breaks) and I wouldn't do it even if it was. He's a really good friend, but he just doesn't seem to know what's cool and not cool when it comes to Facebook.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who's had to deal with this, but I don't know how to handle it. Am I crazy for finding this intrusive?

from, the Frustrated Facebook Friend

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Dear Frustrated FB Friend,

First off, congrats on your first year of college and good luck in your studies! College life is super fun and I hope you enjoy it immensely (don't party too much!!)

You are in a very tough spot here. You are experiencing something new and exciting, while your friend has remained “home” and probably living a very similar life that he has always lived. he could possibly be a bit jealous that you are off doing new things and he is not, hence the FB stalking to see what you are up to. I have a few thoughts about this situation; both regarding the friendship and distance and the facebook situation.

First, try and understand that he is possibly a bit jealous that you are off doing new things and he is not. When you are good friends with someone, it is always hard when your friend “moves on” and you do not (whether it is by choice or circumstance). It’s only natural that he wants to know how you are doing and what you are up to. If this friendship is worth keeping, which is sounds like it is based on your past and through the connection of your families being close friends (and the fact that you have been kind of interested in him hehe), try and be sensitive to the fact that he cares about you and wants to remain connected, despite the temporary distance.

On the other hand, he needs to understand that you are busy with classes, homework, new friends, and other college life stuff and naturally, you don’t have the same amount of time for him as you did before you went off to college. It might make you both feel better if you try and set up weekly or bi-weekly “dates” to chat on the phone or use Facebook’s instant message to “catch up.” (And once in a while, surprise him with an unexpected phone call or FB wall post/message. This will let him know that you are thinking about him and it will probably mean a lot to him!) Let him know that you really value his friendship and want to keep in touch, but you are busy and don’t have time every day (or every week) to respond to all of his FB posts or messages to you etc.

One time, when I made a move (I moved out of state from CA to MN), I had to tell give one of my friends a breakdown of my schedule so that she could understand why I didn’t always have time to talk or respond to emails. This really helped her understand why I wasn't able to chat all the time and it made a big difference in our friendship because I helped her have realistic expectations about how much I was able to talk.

And as a side bar, and maybe something you want to pass on to him, sometimes, when you tell someone you are busy and can’t chat, it’s because you are sitting on your butt recovering from the school week, homework, or life in general, and just want some time to vege out, which is totally legit! Or bring up that just because someone sees you updated your status on facebook recently doesn't mean that you have time to respond your inbox messages, wall posts, or status comments; let's face it, we make a point to update our statuses as we are on our way out the door to our next class, before we make dinner, or before we take a nap etc.

As far as your friend adding your college friends and then asking how you are doing goes... that is not cool, kind of rude, and frankly, kind of creepy-stalker like. My suggestion would be to either ask him to stop (which would be the "to the point" route) or honestly, try not to let it bother you. If your friends have a problem with him adding them they should just invoke their right to ignore his friend request. Some people, on the other hand, add everyone that requests a 'friend add' (and like you, I don't know why people do this... I don't like having to many "friends" and I even go through and delete people I don't talk to often!) So I guess there is probably not much you can do about him added your friends unless you confront him. Which sucks, I know.

Finally, one last suggestion would be to invite him to take a road trip to come and see you with a few of your other, mutual friends who are still in your home town. Could be fun! And he'd get to see how busy you are!

Good luck with this situation! I know, first hand, how challenging it is to move and have friends left behind at home that think things will remain the same. The fact of the matter is that people move, do different things, and your paths fork out from each other. And while you can remain friends, and even close friends, it's totally normal for the amount of time you are in touch or see each other to change.

I'm always a big fan of confronting the situation, so if the subtle or deliberate attempts to foster communication in a way that can meet expectations for both of you doesn't work, then maybe you just need to tell him what you've told me!

Empathetically,
Jessica