February 25, 2010

Dear Jessica,

I'm going to get straight to the point. I am in college and married, and while I don't mind being friends with guys ... there are always those few that just take it too far.My lab partner is one of those guys. He started out just being friendly but after a while, he started getting on my nerves, and just a little too flirty.

The first red flag was when I came in one day and he said, "You look cute today." I was flattered, but a little uncomfortable, but when I talked to my husband about it, he agreed the guy could have just been being nice and it didn't necessarily mean anything.

But it didn't stop there.

The guy started walking me to my next class, and would act annoyed if I would try to wait to walk with someone else also. He did not have the same class, but would take that route and "drop me off" on the way to his... Then one time, he gave me a quick hug in front of a bunch of other people, saying, "we're cool like that."

The list goes on ... today, it finally came a little to head when he was giving a commentary on everything I was doing and I told him he was annoying me. But then I tried to be nice ... I mean, we do have to work together. But then he said something like, "Here, hold my hand, let's make up and be friends." I said, "Sorry, I don't hold hands with other boys."He later called me to invite me to something at his house(!) but I declined ... so he said he'd "tell me all about it" Monday in class.

I don't know what to do. I've told my husband everything, and know I'm NOT flirting back, and I also bring up my husband very often, so I don't feel guilty at all. But the situation is very uncomfortable. The thing is, we have assigned seating and assigned lab partners, so short of making a scene and asking the teacher to let me change seats, my options are limited. Also, I don't know if I can say anything, because I don't want him to blow it off like I just think too much of myself and that he's not interested, and then have it be even MORE awkward. (Plus, even if I spoke to him quietly about it, he's one of those guys who may bring it up loudly so the surrounding two tables can hear his side.)HELP?!?!!?

Signed,

Frustrated with Flirty-Boy

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Dear Frustrated,

First, your frustration is totally legitimate! That boy is being totally inappropriate, especially after your many attempts to keep your relationship with this guy strictly school-related. I will tell you the two things I would do in this situation.

The first thing I would do is be totally blunt (maybe on a "walk to your next class"). I would say, "Look. I appreciate working with you in class but I am married and I do not wish to have a friendship with you beyond our class assignments. It might seem crazy, but it's out of respect for my husband. Secondly, I do not wish to casually hug or hold hands with any guy except my husband. Can you respect these boundaries?" This way, you are not saying that you think he is interested in you; you are simply setting respectable boundaries that a married woman should have regarding male friends.

If that didn't work, I would talk to the professor and see if I could switch partners. I know that could be a little awkward, but sometimes professors can help you out and try to be kind of discreet about it (like maybe switch a few partnerships around?).

Oh I just thought of a third option.... see if you can bring your husband to class sometime. Have him give a few looks to that kid and that could solve the problem. :) hehe

I guess what this comes down to is that you will likely have to face an awkward situation in order to nip this in the bud because clearly this guy can't take a hint. I wish I had better advice for you. I hope that some of my huge reader base (sarcasm) chimes in and offers some advice, too! Maybe there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation.

Sincerely,
Jessica