August 6, 2009

dear jessica,

Do you think there is a difference between a white lie and other lieing? Is it ever okay to lie?

Honest Abe in Illinois

******

Dear Honest Abe,

First off, sorry it has taken me so long to answer your question.

As far as the different between a white lie and other types of lie goes, I do think there is a difference. I think that "white lie" is commonly used in situations where one would tell a lie to spare someone's feelings ("I like your new haircut"), as an easy way to get yourself out of trouble ("I thought the speed limit was 55 not 45"), etc. They usually don't "harm" others but save you from hurting someone or getting into trouble. (There are other ways to describe it and I am sure there is an official way.)

I am assuming that by "other types of lying" you mean more blatant, intentional and outright harmful lies? Like making stuff up, covering up something that needs to be said, denying or not taking credit for something you did wrong, etc. ("I did not have sexual relations with that woman").

So is there a difference? Yes. I think that even honest people will tell a white lie once in a while to spare feelings. But I think "liars" will come up with lies frequently and often times lie their way into a corner.

Do I think white lies are okay? Well, I think you should avoid lying when possible, but at the same time, I think there are times when most people would tell a white lie to spare feelings. I think it's good, too, when someone wants to know your honest opinion that you give it. Especially with close friends and family. If they are asking you, they trust you and they deserve to hear the truth ("You know, that isn't the most flattering haircut... maybe you can try styling it this way..."). But also don't be a jerk about it. If someone asks if their skirt makes them look fat, don't be like "oh yeah for sure; I was hoping you'd ask."

I was discussing this with my extended family and they said that even in the Bible, sometimes God wanted people to lie in order to protect the Truth. For example, when someone was protecting God's people and the "officers" came to the door, she told them that God's people were not there. It was a small lie, but it also spared the life of the 2 men hiding in her house.

I am not sure if I have even answered your question in the way you wanted. I hope others chime in and offer their "two cents" so that YOU can get a more thorough answer. If I think of anything else, I will add it in the comments!

Good luck and stay honest!

Jessica